Hi, Sean.

There is no point in saying to you, I suppose, “if you want me to be honest” because you know I am, and I know I don’t offend you with such candid talk. With that said, from here on out I will speak to you with my complete honest opinion, and not just because it’s fair, but because I find you completly hilarious, I expect same from you, fair?

Now let’s be real, Larry’s biggest problem in life IS his height. Psychologically speaking, men with complexes always act out at work because it won’t be tolerated at home. When I first laid eyes on him I thought “this little midget is who I have to answer to?” and I chuckled to myself. I was hoping he was just some dorky man there to fix Homer but he was sitting at Lauren’s desk nearly falling under it and I knew better. I was rather entertained at the moment wondering if his feet touched the floor when he was trying as he might to look like a big man in that chair, I know he was wondering why I was smirking, he’s a midget but he’s not dumb, at least not completely. I’m sure, since he doesn’t know me, he was unaware that I was thinking, since he’s the new “Mr. Ass” of the office that he should buy himself a new chair, perhaps one where his feet touched the ground and he didn’t look like so much of, well, a midget. Once I accepted the fact that Mr. Midget Ass was in charge, I kinda liked it, after all, how often do I get to hang around people my size? I never took him serious, I couldn’t get over the fact he was four and a half feet tall, I couldn’t! The sight of him, even now in my head, makes me burst out laughing. I suppose the circuses must have been full at the time he was of age for employment. His wife is the big man in the house, she proved that at the Christmas party, at first glance I thought it was Hilary Clinton, you wouldn’t believe where the jokes went with that with Nancy and I, I thought my jaw was going to fall off from laughing (Hilary Clinton and Mr. Midget Ass Unite) With all of that said and that fact that, realistically, everyone who encounters Larry aka Mr. Midget Ass thinks the same thing, wouldn’t you be pissed? No pun intended, but it sounds to me like he got the “short” end of the stick

I was pissed when I found out Kiss Ass was going to be off almost a week, and I’m selfish! One has to wonder what the fuck is wrong with her. I have a theory she was dropped on her head as a small child or perhaps simply hit a little too hard on her soft spot at a tender age, funny with as hard as her head is now. I’m just waiting for someone to report that they finally had to call the surgeon in to pull her out of James’ ass cavity, though personally, I’d rather she just get sucked into the big black oblivion. She’s the dumbest attorney I know, I thought about that just now for complete accuracy and I am certain - she’s the one and only. I don’t find any other attorney I know dumb, an asshole maybe, but not dumb. A problem for her is that she lacks self-esteem, that’s evident in that she’s constantly craving attention and praise, I wish she knew how much of an ass she made herself look like. I find her a pathetic, worthless lunatic, her parents must be so ashamed. I don’t blame her husband for being an alcoholic as long as he insists on being married to her, I’d prefer divorce but hey, we all deal with things differently. I was telling Bridget, aside from her husband being an alcoholic, I would bet he was on heart medication too, imagine how frightening it must be to wake up every morning to that sea hags face. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! oh sorry baby, it’s you. I’m certain “What the fuck was I thinking?” is a common, daily question he asks of himself. I really don’t wish any ill will towards her, having to wake up day in and day out and be her I’m sure, is a punishment we can’t possibly fathom all in itself.

Talk with you later.

Christina Lyons

Tags: Christina's Corner //