1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. (GOD, please don’t)

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.” (That would make for fun conversation at the bank now wouldn’t it?)

3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.” (LOL!!, fast food workers are SO dumb, this may not be as stupid as one might think)

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…” (a little funny at first but then yes, really annoying)

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. (that would be hilarious, after I got over the initial shock)

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. (does anyone really do this?)

7. Speak only in a “robot” voice. (or don’t)

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. (annoying!)

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will “swipe your grub”. (annoying? more like a cry for help, I don’t know, what do you think it screams, I just got out of jail and I need mental help?)

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. (I’d be pissed)

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. (You’re cleaning it up too punk!)

12. Sniffle incessantly. (yuk!)

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. (utterly annoying)

14. Name your dog “Dog.” ( I swear to GOD I know two siblings named Brother and Sister)

15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.” (funny unless I was driving in the car and then watch out you might get slapped j/k)

16. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.” (yep, that would annoy the shit out of me)

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your “astronaut training.” (far better than the truth, that you’re a retard)

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for “violating your airspace”. (hilarious)

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot.” ( I hate that!)

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol. (People do this!)

21. Practice making fax and modem noises. (Not kidding, I really might slap you after awhile)

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc:” them to your boss. (if you want to get fired)

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. (funny but I’m skinny)

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. (oh, they will)

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a “spider person.” (hehe)

26. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with the prophesy.” (that would be extremely annoying)

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. (ughh)

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment. (funny)

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. (and maybe slapping yourself upside the head just for my own entertainment purposes? please?)

30. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room. (hehe)

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice. (HAHA!)

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. (watch the back of your head)

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.” ( I don’t care as long as I can see some sort of picture)

34. Drum on every available surface. (don’t)

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. (fired!)

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates. (how is that annoying)

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings. (lol)

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks. (or not)

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. (eww, the smell)

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page. (that would piss me off)

41. Set alarms for random times. (again)

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. (never)

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving. (lol)

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a “croaking” noise. (annoying)

45. Honk and wave to strangers. (I see people do this all the time, I think its funny)

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange. (at least you won’t get run over)

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. (very annoying)

48. Tape pieces of “Sweating to the Oldies” over climactic parts of rental movies. (lol)

49. Wear your pants backwards. (pshh)

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. (loser)

51. Begin all your sentences with “ooh la la!” (no, please don’t)

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either (hate that)

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. (lol)

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. (ooh embarrassing)

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. (GOD don’t)

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. (you are asking to get slapped)

59. Write “X - BURIED TREASURE” in random spots on all of someone’s roadmaps. (lol)

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. (no, no, no)

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: “Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, its gone now.” (back to that talk of the mental ward)

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. (hehe)

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as “Conquistador.”

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks. (I’d throw your sock away)

67. When Christmas caroling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One.” (can I have a shirt instead?)

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. (don’t blame me when your retarded ass falls)

70. Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read. (DON’T)

71. Pretend your computer’s mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. (hehe)

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “no, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat. (LOL)

73. Drive half a block. (Hey, people are lazy)

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination. (ok psycho)

75. Ask people what gender they are. (This is the point the tears of laughter rolled in)

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back. (eww people do this!)

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”. (I wouldn’t recommend you do this)

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song. ( I hate this!)

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. (LOL)

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. (LOL)

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. (that is SO annoying)

83. Change your name to “AaJohn Aaaaasmith” for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it’s a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each “a.”

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. (or shoot you)

85. Chew on pens that you’ve borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your “superior mental processing.”

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant “swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!”

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend.” (LOL, please do)

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “psychological profiles.” (LOL)

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a “magic picture.” (and then ask them if they’d like to share your crack)

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate “crop circles” in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend “tricorder,” and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. (HEHE)

101. Invite lots of people to other people’s parties. (oh boy!)

Tags: Funny Stuff //