Thunderstorm
Intense; Spectacular
Booming, Crashing, Terrifying
Watery, loud, scary, dark
Startling, rumbling, disturbing
Powerful, beautiful
Downpour

Christina Bledsoe

**Diamante
A Diamante is a seven-lined contrast poem set up in a diamond shape.

Below is a diagram:

Line 1: Noun or subject
Line 2: Two Adjectives describing the first noun/subect
Line 3: Three -ing words describing the first noun/subect
Line 4: Four words: two about the first noun/subect, two about the antonym/synonym
Line 5: Three -ing words about the antonym/synonym
Line 6: Two adjectives describing the antonym/synonym
Line 7: Antonym/synonym for the subject

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A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two
kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
She’s dressed in dirty jeans, a greasy T-shirt with holes in it and wearing
flip-flops exposing her cracked and filthy toenails. When she yells at the
kids, she exposes her yellowed, crooked teeth with more than a few missing.

The Wal-Mart Greeter says, “Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you’ve got there. Are they twins?”

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, “Hell no they ain’t!
The oldest one, he’s 9 and the younger one, she’s 7. Why the hell would you
think they’re twins? Do you really think they look alike?”

“No,” replies the greeter, “I just couldn’t believe someone had sex with you
twice.”

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Relax
Shaded by trees
Thoughts meandering off
Suddenly freaking out; calm down
Unwind

Christina Bledsoe

**Cinquain: a stanza of five lines; specifically, one that has successive lines of two, four, six, eight, and two syllables.

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An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus sitting over there?” The waitress nodded “yes,” so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.

The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, “Is that Jesus over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to “give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.”

The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, “Hey there, sweet thang, how’s about gettin’ me a cold glass of Coke!” He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, “Is that God’s boy over there?” The waitress nodded, so the Redneck said to “give Jesus a cold glass of coke, on my bill.”

As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, “For your kindness, you are healed.” The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of backflips out the door.

Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, “don’t touch me…I’m drawin’ disability!!!!!”

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We couldn’t get to him in time and so he sarcastically says:

“No, no, I got it, I’ll just help myself!”

Xayne Bledsoe

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“I’m only having chicken and that’s final!”

Xayne Bledsoe

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Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Maude: What in the hell is that?

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.

Maude: Where did you get it?

Mabel: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

“Doesn’t matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.”

The pharmacist fainted.

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“I’M BORED!”

Xayne Bledsoe

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