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George Carlin’s Views on Aging

IF YOU DON’T READ THIS TO THE VERY END, YOU HAVE LOST A DAY IN YOUR
LIFE. AND WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED, DO AS I AM DOING AND SEND IT ON.

George Carlin’s Views on Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!” You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.

You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

“How old are you?” “I’m gonna be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . . YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He
TURNED; we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now, you’re Just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into the 90’s, you start going backwards; “I Was JUST 92.”

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay “them ”

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

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Lovely

Leave me alone Lovely
I won’t stand to see you betray me
Yet again
Why do you constantly come and go
and confuse me so?
With your words sweet as honey
You talk me into staying when I feel I should go
With your touch soft as cotton
You make me feel orgasmic
but I know you offer the same pleasure to others
I have been fooled by your charm time and time again
The foolishness ends here Lovely
I’m calling it quits, I’m saying it’s over
Don’t cry reading this my dear Lovely
I promise we will both recover
It’s better to end it now and stop the pain
Even if my pain is the only one ended

Christina Bledsoe

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When Lyle Met Christina

Darlee77’s Fill in the Blank Challenge

One day while skipping down the street,
I came across a man with huge feet.
He looked at me with a great big smile,
He said, “Hello, my name is Lyle”.

Very well, I started to walk,
He yelled, “Wait let’s indulge in some talk.
I know a game, do you want to play?
Won’t you please sit down and stay?”

He started talking really fast,
I soon knew all about his past.
In another life, he was an ape
All in all, his life was great.

Then he asked me for my card,
Said, “This is how we get disbarred”
We both ask questions that lack wit,
Who will stay and who will quit?

If you win, you get to kiss
Just the one that you miss
If you lose, then we trade
Then I’ll be yours and you’ll be mine.

Christina Bledsoe

Author’s Comments:
“It’s amazing how much harder this is than it looks. For anyone that hasn’t given it a try, what are you doing now??” (search Darlee77 on poets.com for the challenge template)

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“Duh, I know that!”

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