Some Old, Some New, When Actual Isn’t Factual
THE YEAR’S BEST [Actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?]
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [Now that’s taking
things a
bit far!]
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if you wipe
thoroughly!]
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!]
Miners Refuse to Work after Death [What good-for-nothin’ lazy
so-and-sos!]
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any
better than a fair trial!]
War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that
effect!]
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [Do you
REALLY
think?!]
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!]
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They
may be
on to something!]
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [You mean there’s something
stronger
than duct tape?!]
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [He probably
WAS
the battery charge!]
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Come on,
wasn’t
the first group fat enough?!]
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That’s what he
gets
for eating those beans!]
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Do they taste like chicken?]
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Chainsaw Massacre all
over
again!]
Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors [They were Pre-Med
majors on basketball scholarships in college, right?]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And the winner is….
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [Dude, no way!]
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